A word from Arizona...: Madness

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Madness

On leaving the apartment this morning, i thought it was quite cool whilst temperatures were still around 30 celcius at 9am! Arizona is officially messing with my body thermostat! If you see me walking around Leicestershire wearing a ski jacket and thermal trousers, have some sympathy!

News emerged from the Pierre and Marie Curie University in France today that the area surrounding Chernobyl "is not a wild-life haven'! I wonder if that has anything to do with the Nuclear reactor blast in April 1986 sending radioactive particles into every country in the Northern Hemisphere and severely contaminating the region surrounding the plant. The only wildlife to be found there are 3 eyed fish, mutant bears and bilingual birds! Come-on, stop wasting money on pointless research!

In more slightly odd news, a man in Australia was stuck up a tree for 8 days! when he "accidentally" stumbled into a crocodile infested swamp. He sought refuge when confronted with a croc. Talk about being caught between a croc and hard place!

And finally, dachshunds, the original 'Sausage dog' from Germany are in decline. This news comes at a time when sales of the popular Frankfurter sausages are on the increase. Coincidence?

Cya

2 comments:

jpleeson said...: "Between a croc and a hard place"

C'mon Paul that's awful!!! I will be stealing it however... lol

Glad to hear everything is OK and damn the US is cheap!!!; 16 August 2007 at 10:46
Paul said...: I'll copyright my "awful" jokes in future then!; 16 August 2007 at 16:06

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Quality one-liners from our Tectonicist

"About 6 yrs ago (im not sure if he went nuts!) he said there are no mantle plumes. He thought he was so good he could form the minority of 1!"
"For geologists pi is a number between 2 and 4"
"Frenchy guys"
"He must have used a substance to heighten his creative ability somehow."
"I dont like people in general!"
"I shouldn't slate him, i dont really know what his diagram means"
"I'm never gonna complain again about my field-camp students being retarded!"
"If you've had enough wine, you can probably convince yourself of it!"
"It's a stupid interpretation"
"Its a pretty retarded diagram"
"Ive got 10 minutes left??? I'll finish in 5!"
"Ive just noticed it says 'please erase whiteboards when finished'. I'm not going to draw any more!"
"My parents come from a cave!"
"No questions? Everything is clear??? Wow!"
"See, you do have a purpose (in life)!"
"Thats all petrological...you know...stuff"
"The more guest lecturers i have, the less work i have to do!"
"The Mother Ship" - referring to North America
"There not different are they??? There all the same really!"
"This is just a load of local geology crap"
"Turn out some of the lights so you can fall asleep"
"Uncompressed decompressor"
"Undoubtedly wacky guy" (a self portrait perhaps!)
"Walla Walla - an insignificant place in the middle of no-where"
"We couldnt see why people didnt work here then we found out that a grad student from Texas went there on private land without the right permissions. They shot and killed him!"
"We don't have much access to the place - the owners are crazy people!"
"You can run a marine seismic line across the oceanic trench - kill a bunch of whales!"
"You mineralogy people just waste your time plotting phase diagrams to see if a mineral containing magnesium, alumina and orange juice can exist."
Mihai's phone beeps - Mihai gives it the finger!
Mihai's phone rings again - "Ignore"
Mihai: "Do you think i can write on the board with this pen?". Class: "NO!"
Refering (quite possibly) to the geophysicist sitting on the front row: "I'm not sure its worth wasting your time with that!"
Refering to a guest speaker coming in next week: "He's a nice guy......he's a got a little ADD!"
Refering to a honored guest speaker - "I didnt understand what he was talking about, i wasnt paying attention to him"
Refering to a well know tectonicist (who shall remain nameless) who recently completely changed his view on a current hot topic. "Mr X was blind to call it an adakite - it clearly isnt! Then again Mr X is Mrs X's husband so he was probably blind all his life!"
Refering to his interview when starting at the UofA, the interviewer asked if he wanted to meet anyone in the department to make his visit complete. He chooses the famous geologist whom he is replacing. Mihai: "I'd really like to meet Peter Colley since im replacing him!" Interviewer: "I'm sorry, thats not possible. He's been dead a while!"
Refering to his key note talk at a recent symposium: "My presentation was like a car crash!"
Refering to how awesome the geology department at the UofA is: "I finally realised that this POS state university is actually one of the best!"
Refering to some diagram: "Its constructed by a bunch of retarded people"
Refering to taking some business people on a fieldtrip - "Most of them werent professionals so it was easy to tell them whatever i liked!"
Refering to the apparently random locations of hotspots: "Hotspots don't really know what their doing"

A Small Selection of Stupid Signs (all genuine)