Santa woes

When your young and gullible, most people believe in santa, atleast until you realise you haven't got a chimney for him to fall down. Well, Canada has taken the fantasy one step further. Over 11,000 postal office workers collect and reply to children's "Dear Santa..." messages ever year. Except now, a rotten elf has entered santa's workforce. Police in Ottawa are trying to track a so called 'elf' for writing nasty replies to children. Unfortunately, they didnt include any examples so i see no harm in making some up:

"No, for the last time, you are not getting a stupid pony!"

Dear Santa... i want a ferrari, a train set, a toy chest, a puppy, a bike, a game and a BIG tin of candy! "You greedy little S.O.B"

"No!"

"Santa's NOT real! I'm being paid $5 an hour to listen to your dribble! Get out of my face!"

Dear Santa... i want to be an Astronaut! "Yeah, so? What do you want me to do about it?"

"Listen kid, good boys don't get the best presents. The one's with rich parents do! Your parents are poor, theres no presents for you. Thanks for writing!"

"Santa's dead!"

"Your 15 and you still believe in Santa!! Here's a prescription!"

How does Santa get to every place in the world in one night? "Ok, ill let you into a little secret. Santa has this friend you see, lets call him the 'Fed-ex man'."

"Dear George, thank-you for your recent and lengthy christmas wish list including English language courses, a remote control nuclear weapon 'toy', a new vice president, the extradition of one Mrs H Clinton, a proper presidential election victory, a big juicy Texan-style steak and a pony! It is with regret i have to tell you that Santa's rather busy the night of the 24th and the paperwork required for many of those things is lengthy. I do, however, include a big red button! Yours sincerely, Santa!"

Its 3:32am...

and my geochemistry report is practically finished atlast! Its not due in til the end of the week but i was getting so p****d off with it, i decided to put in a session and get it out of the way. So very nearly finished for this semester - just one take home exam to finish off over the next couple of days and then 4 weeks of well deserve break begins! Whoo!

Last week of the semester..

is upon us at last. And all i have to do is finish the Geochemistry report ive been moaning about for the last week and finish off a "take-home" exam. Then thats it! All my free time from then is open to preparing for New York, meeting up with James and driving the neighbours out with my guitaring! Actually...its not that bad! I can play the Hell song solo now which im really pleased with, and in New York im going shopping for an effects pedal so things are looking up.

The BBC news website reports today about government plans to drastically increase the number of wind turbines around the UK. The tories in general support this. Tory front bencher Alan Duncan accurately pointed out that "Britain is an Island Nation" and added "There is a lot of wind around!". And the conservatives wonder why there not in power!!!

George Bush is again featuring on this blog for another blooper at a White House Press Conference this week. Incase you dont know, the North East US is in something of a house market crisis since mortgage debt is going through the roof. He addressed the nation and directed them to a phone number of an organisation offering free help and advice. It turns out he gave the wrong number! The number he did give was for a bible bashing religious self help group in Dallas, Texas! Whoops!

Right i must go. If i don't get this Geochemistry report cracked soon, i think ill go insane.
Laters!

The wheels on the bus...

Walking home from uni today, after a long day spent pouring over this geochemistry assignment, a cyclist came past me singing at the top of his voice some crappie American country song he was listening to on his mp3 player. Other than the complete lack of self respect - i think he's got onto a new, probably un-necessary, niche in the market of rolling jukeboxes. I felt like asking for a Green Day track or Hey Jude maybe.

In other news; George Bush wrote a letter to North Korea expressing concern over their nuke plans. And who said he was iliterate? New-cle - er. A man reappeared at a London Police Station today after being missing in his Canoe in the North Sea for the last 5 years. Aparently he can't remember a thing except the £450,000 life insurance money now in an oversea's bank account. There also some silly news from Germany (as usual); a thief, ingenious a breed as they are, used a flower pot to steal a Porsche. And now for something completely different...

A photo...

More uploaded in due course.

Laters!

December 3rd

Only 22 days left to go before xmas and it really doesn't feel like it. Its still hitting low-mid 20's out here during the afternoon, a world away from the usual wet, cold and windy UK weather. Still, New York is already getting hit with lots of snow and sub-zero temperatures so ill get my fair share of winter there.

The Rolling Stone Magazine recently published a list of the 50 top songs over 7 minutes in length. Amongst others were Jesus of Suburbia by good ol' Green Day, One by Metallica, Champayne Supernova by Oasis, Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands by Dylan and Hey Jude by the Beatles. If your wondering where your favourite 70's and 80's hits like Hotel California are, tough - its not quite long enough! Which is for the best really cos it isnt really that good a song! I was surprised Bat out of Hell, Master of Puppets or Stairway didn't make it though!